Transcript of Pure Schmint fundraiser and Vibram Soul ad (Star Root, August 3, 1979)

I think It’s obvious.   You’ve tried the rest, now try the best.

Remember PURE SCHMINT? We ‘re the local noveau(sic), avant garde, folk funk, con-fusion experimental theatre company. You saw us in Dreams and Visions, Magic Bus, Sleeping Beauty, Small Patches, 3-D IV, etc. BUT, you haven’t seen us lately I bet. There’s a good reason for that. We have not performed lately. There’s good reason for that, too. We’ve been working HOT and HEAVY on a new show entitled “VIBRAM SOUL” to be performed at the School Administration Building on Sprowel far above Creek Road in Garberville. This play is GUARANTEED to be so far above anything we’ve done to date that it will be WORTH the wait. We want EVERYBODY to see it.

You might wonder what the new play is about. So do we sometimes. It’s about an hour and 45 minutes (ha ha). Don’t worry, the play is BETTER than these jokes. Seriously folks, this play is about you & us & me & them & theirs & well, life. And it goes even BEYOND that. And THAT. And BEYOND THAT even. Music. Drama. Comedy, we got it all. But one thing we don’t got is…ahem..mo..mo..mo. money. That’s where YOU come in. We need money for production: lights, sets, props, advertisements, beer, good dope, movies, ah… oops. And frankly, we’re hard up. All we have left to offer is our BODIES. Which is why we are holding this wonderful and amazing raffle with such an astounding PRIZE. If you win, you get a night out on the town… A DATE…with the Pure Schmint Star of your choice. We guarantee a night you’ll never forget although you may try hard. You get DINNER FOR TWO at an elegant local dining spot and after that, you never know. There will be TWO WINNERS. Of course, if you insist you CAN choose to bring your OWN date (chicken! ). So run out and get your tickets. You’ll probably want to buy a whole roll. Think of the bliss you will attain by helping Pure Schmint. You can get your tickets at Shooting Star Textiles, Open Circle, Singing Salmon Music, or from any one of the lovely and Evergreen, virile stars. The raffle will be held in the first part of September (to be announced). You don’t have to be there to win. Good luck, love from THE PURE SCHMINT PLAYERS.